A Writer

I just watched the movie "The Soloist." A profound and beautiful movie about a writer who meets a street musician - a homeless Juliard dropout who loves music more than life itself. This writer records his story, and then becomes a part of it by trying to "help" him - finding out that playing God can be a lot more complicated than one first imagines.

It got me thinking about being a writer. We can wield such power, or we can just fill up empty air with empty words. I want to write things worth writing. I want to really dig into something and tell a story that needs to be told. The rest of the time writing feels like a waste. But I tell myself it's practice, or keeping sharp, or something like that. I've started journaling more as I blog less, largely because while the act of writing may be very important, that doesn't necessarily mean what was written is worth reading.

Some Mondays aren't so bad, or, work like a grown-up, play like a grown-up

Someone told me that the real meaning of the 21st century is that the people with the least to say have more ways to say it than ever. Those people are called bloggers.

I got a job at Converse. It's been about four weeks. For the first time since graduating (actually, ever), I am working full-time. On the one hand, it's so nice to feel like a real adult that's pulling her own weight, but on the other hand, I was finally starting to be domestic - cleaning the house regularly, cooking grocery shopping, etc, and now that whole carefully perfected routine has flown out the window.

I don't understand how modern people can keep a clean house, cook most nights, and work full time. Like my sister. She even runs several miles almost every day. Maybe it comes with practice. This whole adulthood thing is still very new to me.

I guess you'd like to hear about my new job. I am writing/compiling content for Converse's web site re-launch, slated for mid-january. It's perfect because the job ends a little before I leave for the training. I enjoy the work, too. Mostly gathering information from various campus folks and the current website, some assigning/editing pieces, but a fair amount of writing new content as well. I particularly enjoyed writing the section about Converse's traditions, like the way all the seniors wear panther ears (or horns), tails, and Chuck Taylors to opening convocation.

I even have my own office, since the assistant director of communications just left and they haven't filled his position yet. I'm getting paid like a real professional too. Yes, I feel very much like a grown-up.

This extra income source has made me feel slightly less guilty than I normally would about going out a little more with friends. On Monday, I went with my old roommate and good friend Anna and her best friend Sarah to Ichiban for sushi. It was half price, but we managed to generate a hefty bill nonetheless. I still can't believe we ate 10 rolls. That's about 50-60 pieces. That's like 20 pieces of sushi per person. We got beers too - the first drink I've gotten to order since turning 21. It was a Sapporo, which is a light Japanese beer. I liked it. But I couldn't finish it so Sarah and Anna helped.

Then we got some ice cream from Brewsters (hard to believe, I know, after eating all that sushi) and went to Anna's to watch the new movie she gave me for my birthday. Mirrormask is a very strange British film with a story by Neil Gaiman and produced by Jim Henson. But we liked it immensely. It made sense to package it with the Labyrinth and the Dark Crystal - many strange creatures and shifty, mind-blowing visual scenes that turn inside out and do other crazy things. But since it was made in 2006 and used CGI rather than puppetry and animation, it was perhaps even more visually stunning, if lacking some of the earthy richness achieved by the elaborate physical designs of the other two. But it had a distinctly unique flavor - I'm guessing because the director was also the art director and co-wrote the story. It was his baby, I imagine.

The score was odd - for such spectacular visuals one would expect something sweeping and orchestral, or perhaps kind of rock-anthem. But this music was distinctly urban, with tinges of electronica and hip-hop.

Anyway, it is a good movie for fans of Tim Burton or Jim Henson. Highly imaginitive, with an epic fantasy story line, and just creepy enought to be cool.

It's nearing 9:30 - bed is calling me. (I know, isn't that repulsively early? But sadly normal thanks to my two jobs, tutoring, and the daylight savings switch.) It's cold too. I'm ready to curl up under my nice warm blankets, and watch my cat leap up, wait for me to lift the blanket for her, and circle under the blanket a few times before settling down with her head barely poking out from under the covers.

Party

It was a jazz themed party with champagne and lots of food and jazz records and dancing. Definitely my best birthday party ever.

The blurry photos came from my camera and the nice ones came from my aunt Mary Beth.

I am writing this post from Windows Live Writer, after editing the photos, tagging them, uploading them on Facebook, all through Windows Photo Gallery. Loving Windows 7.

I got a New Laptop

I am posting this from the BloggerBuddy Gadget - it's a 2-postage-stamp size app on the edge of my beautiful 15inch screen. Yay! Maybe the fact that I have my own computor again, combined with the fact that I can post a blog with a single mouse click, will encourage me to write more and shorter blogs. Won't that be nice?

More about my computer:

• Windows 7

• Card reader

• DVD writer

• 250GB hard drive

• $350

I'm loving it so far. Windows 7 is a pretty steep learning curve though, considering I'm going from XP. Favorite new features so far include Snap, gadgets, themes (a slow slide show for my wall paper! So fun! ) and Google Toolbar.

Jump lists seems promising but I'll have to wait and prove its usefulness.

Hmm...now I'm off to explore the super new Paint - always been my favorite MS program. I wonder how much it's like Paint.NET...

By the way, I turned 21 on Thursday and had an amazing party.
I don't think I can post pictures from this gadget but maybe later I will show you my blurry camera phone pix.

Woohoo! Wow it's half past one I probably should turn this thing off and get some sleep.

Are you alive?

I asked a strange question to an unsuspecting friend yesterday. I saw her on facebook - this is someone I don't know very well, just see her at conferences since we were in junior high - and I IMed her asking if she was alive. "At the moment, yes." she replied, with a :).

I don't really know why I asked that. Perhaps because if someone asked me that, I would say, 'yes, finally.' Maybe a better question would have been, 'are you really living?'

The past 30 days, for me, have danced along Time's continuum like steps in a minuet - graceful, cadenced, neither too slow nor two fast. They've been spent working in the library, cooking, cleaning, organizing, making memories with friends and spending quality time with family and the Lord. I've read three graphic novels and a great biography, and am now engrossed in a lovely children's novel. I've sold some handmade jewelry and am now working on a custom piece. Of course the profits were promptly invested in new supplies...Michael's is a dangerous place!

I've been making the prayer meetings in Simpsonville on Wednesday nights (except for last night - my keys were missing!). When a child of God sincerely asks for the Lord to bless those gathered in His name, His answer is real - palpable. I encourage folks to not just pray at their meetings/church services, but to pray for them. In the car, even arriving early to ask the Spirit to move...He really honors that.

A few weeks past, while many saints were in the blending conference in Jacksonville, I visited the church in Columbia, where the remnant was gathered around a dining room table, praising God with raw, unaided voices and partaking of the communion that somehow tasted sweeter than ever. It was worth driving two hours, getting lost, missing the beginning...it was more than made up for by the sweet fellowship, the meal afterward...this is the church life. Then I spent the rest of the day with a friend who recently moved to Columbia from Spartanburg, a friend whose main contact with Christianity has been judgement and restriction... she feels free, rooming with a quasi-Pagan who "accepts her just as she is" - she feels like she can create her life into whatever she wants it to be, now she has to figure out what that is. I am glad she feels free. But what will she choose? Christian though she may be, will she ever tap into the meaning of her life that is, already? Will she ever see how much she is loved and valued by her maker and be willing to accept His vision for her within His plan? Or will she grasp her life firmly and make of it what she thinks she wants, which may be much smaller than what could be...? I pray for her.


Bible study has been especially enjoyable, as the various members of rise up to supply every need. Kathy, our normal teacher, is still out, handling a lot with her sons...I never wrote about that, did I? Well, you'd be best off getting the full story here: (Caring Bridge for the Vangsnes boys) but basically, they were out in Montana, serving God as summer missionaries, when they had a terrible car wreck that left one with several broken bones and one in a coma.
Dan, whose leg and back are healing up surprisingly well, has recently come back home from the Montana hospital. Jeremy, who flew home much sooner, has come out of the coma into what is called a "semi-concious vegetative state." He can sometimes control movements and exhibit signs that he's comprehending what's being said to him, which is a long way from the braindead pronouncement the doctors initially gave him. If you pray, they could certainly use your prayers, although the prayers of the saints around the world have been so potent already...I wish I had time to tell you all the stories of miracles, large and small, that surround this family, but you'd be better off reading them for yourself at their site.

Anyway, Bible study has been a little different with various saints rising up to teach, and me finally putting my musical gifts to consistent use for their benefit. But it's so good. I always leave feeling like 'This is it. This is the church. This is...where it's at.' Something is happening with that rag-tag little band of Christians that go to different places on Sunday mornings. The Lord is doing something, He's been working on it for six years or so but it's now starting to...bubble up a little bit, like a simmering pot. We all feel it, although we couldn't tell you exactly what it is - it's something new.

Hmm. Sometimes you just start writing without an idea of what you mean to say. I guess life is like that, my life anyway. But I like it that way. God is writing this story and He knows exactly what He means by it. If I knew the ending, or even the next chapter, I might just cramp His style.

A time for every purpose

Hello. It's been a very, very long time. Camp came and camp ended. I drove from Missouri to Austin, Texas. I drove to Columbia, South Carolina. I drove to Atlanta, Georgia and flew to Anaheim, California. And now I am sitting at home again, at last.

So many wonderful people, wonderful stories. Although I haven't (and probably won't, unless someone asks or I write a memoir) typed any of it up, I kept up my little silver Mound Ridge journal pretty well. The internet broke about halfway through camp so I couldn't have blogged even if I'd felt like it. (After a week with those kids, just getting laundry done is an accomplishment.) It's kind of nice because I've never been that devoted to hand writing in a paper journal. I could write a lot more personal stuff, and God stuff, that would bore you or make you squirm. Don't feel you missed out too much.

It's weird coming back to this blog. I really don't know what to say. I guess I'll say that I'm a very changed person after this summer. God taught me many lessons, particularly about humility. I was used to seeing my life as my big picture, with God and other people fitting into it. I'm learning to see my life in terms of God's big picture, with others in there and myself as a tiny piece of it.

I read a book called Monk Habits for Everyday People. It's a Protestant's guide to applying the wisdom of St. Benedict's Rule to modern life. It was recommended to me by pastor Christian Boyd whom I think Pam mentioned in my previous post. It was just the book I needed to read in that place and time, thinking about discipline and purpose, what it means to be in community, submitting your own will and desires not just to God but for the people around you.

Then I went straight to the source and read the Rule itself. It's a quirky thing, full of archaisms, absurdities, humor and deep wisdom. It's hard to explain how these two books intersected with my story weaving its way across far-flung locales. In Austin, after enjoying the Barton Springs Sunday Circus and all the oddities therein, I'd read about monks who never laugh or engage in "idle talk" and somehow identify with both worlds. I took the Rule to the Full Time Training in Anaheim, one of the strictest but also most spiritually living Bible schools in the nation. Although most people there would not see their life in terms of monasticism, I do. The parallels were truly striking.

I guess brother Benedict has given a particular color cast to my whole summer, added a certain brilliancy that's hard to explain. Those two books, combined with repeated themes of experience and fellowship with the Giver and Purposer, brought me to a perspective that cut out a lot of the fluff and revealed the true sheen and worth of the essences of life.

In six months, I will be enrolled in the Full Time Training. This is what God has been preparing me for. This is the true desire of my heart and something I will be willing to strive toward harder than I have pursued graduate school. (Not that I won't be a librarian - that's still the plan. It's just on hold for two more years. I'll still be done with grad school before I'm 25.) On the other side of the country, my contact with parents, friends and family will be reduced to weekly phone calls. I will not see any of them for stretches of five months. My entire life will be structured around one thing - God. Not just learning about Him or doing some kind of obesience rituals supposed to make Him happy, but gaining Him. Breathing and eating and drinking Him. Getting Him into my being in in a way that transforms me not only into His image, but into His very life and nature. Not just because I want to be a better person but because I want to be a part of the reason for the universe, to bring joy to the heart of the Creator, to fully inhabit my place in His. . . His . . . I can't even think of a word big enough to describe it, big enough to capture the feeling I feel of His utter vastness and the smallness of my heart within Him.

With that goal in view, how am I to approach the next six months? What is truly important? God, family, friends. Living in a way that glorifies Him, benefits them, and draws us all closer together. I've been thinking and doing far too much. I need to truly live. It will require some painful sacrifices and I hope those reading my blog will understand. The things I have been a part of in Spartanburg have been good and wonderful things and I continue to fully support everyone involved in them. I believe it is all a part of God's plan. But I have to step out now. I realize many of those things had become reasons to neglect the people God put into my life to cherish and the more personal responsibilities I must now learn to bear as an adult. I hope that over the next few months, I will get to develop deeper relationships with all of you as human beings, whoever you are, and maybe even that we could spend time together, not doing, doing doing, but just being.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

"Live from Kansas City!"

I'm not actually in Kansas City. I am at Mound Ridge Camp near Saint James, MO. I've had one (very busy) week at camp but I don't have time to write about it right now.
However, my friend Pamela drove up with me on her way to Kansas City, and she wrote a very detailed note about the trip on her Facebook. She has given me permission to repost it here for your reading pleasure:

Lydia and I left Spartanburg Thursday morning at 8:45 and I got to my aunt
and uncle's house probably around five or six yesterday (Saturday). First, a
brief synopsis of the journey:

Thursday: Having eaten breakfast at Lydia's house, we only made one rest
stop before briefly having lunch in a Taco Bell about half an hour past
Knoxville. We'd completely avoided traffic and delays and were probably a good
two hours ahead of schedule when we got to Nashville and missed our exit. We saw
it, but we just couldn't get over fast enough. So we had to do a secondary way,
that led us to the same place but through bumper to bumper traffic. Which
wouldn't have been so bad except it was on a road where many other highways seem
to be constantly merging and everyone (especially giant 18 wheelers) kept
changing lanes for no apparent reason. We felt we'd almost been creamed like
three times, but God protected us.The car did something weird at one point, and
we pulled over. Lydia checked the oil, and that wasn't it. So we just decided to
use either the AC or the stereo and not both and that seemed to solve it.Even
so, we were still way ahead of schedule when we got near Lydia's aunt's house in
Kentucky. So much so that we decided to randomly stop at a garage sale we
saw.

We got to her aunt's house at 4:30 Central time. Her aunt wasn't expected
to be home, but she had told Lydia where she hid a key. We were there for about
half an hour until I realized something... I didn't have my wallet!The last time
I had remembered seeing it was at the Taco Bell, as I'd not used it at the
garage sale. I figured it was either at the Taco Bell, the side of the highway
where we stopped to check the car, or the garage sale. Since the Taco Bell was
the only place I could hope to call, we hoped it was that. We tried several
methods to get the number, but finally we found the reciept. It didn't have the
area code on it, but we were able to obtain it and called and, Praise Jesus! it
was there! You can't get on a plane without ID anymore and I'm supposed to be
flying home. They agreed to use some of the money in it to pay for postage and
are mailing it to my aunt and uncle's house.After that crisis was resolved, her
aunt was home and we ended up going out to dinner. It was good, and then
afterwards we sang together, then went to bed.

Friday: We woke up and had breakfast, and hit the road by 8:45, again. At
2:30 Central we still hadn't eaten and were near O Fallon, IL. Lydia met a
pastor when she was in MO last time who lives there. He and she and I have been
having a 3way email conversation about God and the Body of Christ and community.
So we called him up, just in case he was free, and he was! So we had a two hour
lunch at the "St Louis Bread Company" which is really Paneras.

Just after we left him, we made our biggest error. First, I read the map
wrong. Then we turned around and Lydia was saying how she should have listened
to her gut and not my navigation. So then we get on the right road and I fold up
the map and say confidently that we'll just stay on this for a while... and not
five minutes later she says "aren't we supposed to turn here?" and before I can
answer turns off. But of course, that means we were off the road AGAIN. So we
decided that God had that happen so we were both humbled. :) We'd missed the
bypass, and had to drive through the heart of St Louis, which took a while but
now we have really nice pictures of the arch.We were finally in MO and it was
pretty much smooth sailing. We got to the town right outside of Lydia's camp and
we'd not eaten dinner since we'd had such a light lunch. I asked if we should
stop but she just wanted to go there. So we did. It is very hot. :) Otherwise,
it was pleasant and the people were wacky but nice. It was the last night of one
camp session and so the other counselors were busy so Lydia and I and her
guitar, Sancho, went singing to the Lord. Later, we played with the campers, and
then had a very late dinner and went to bed.

Saturday: We woke up and had breakfast with the campers. Then Lydia helped
clean up and I went and packed up and sang unto the Lord. Then Lydia and I went
and sang in the chapel in the woods and played with Rex, the camp dog. But it
was too hot for much singing and then it was really time to go. A fellow
counselor decided to tag along. We were meeting my aunt and uncle half way, in
Columbia, MO. We took 68 to 63 and 63 was supposed to take us all the way to
Columbia, through Jefferson city. Apparently in Jefferson City you have to take
three exits to stay on the same road? Not knowing this we continued on the same
stretch of pavement, only apparently it was now 50! We realized this half an
hour out of Jefferson City and had to turn around and therefore took an extra
hour to meet up with my poor, patient relatives. My phone died just before we
met with them.But meet with them we did, and they invited Lydia and whoever she
wants to bring to come visit whenever.

(this is Lydia again) I hope I do get to Kansas City before I leave Missouri, however it's not happening this weekend as camp staff has made plans together. Tonight, we are watching the fireworks in Steelville. Tommorow, we are seeing St. Louis. I'm hoping I'll have some down time before the next camp starts Wednesday to relate to you some of the adventures of my first week as a counselor.
Happy Independence Day!